


Password Required

by shreddingstars



Series: Classified Avenger's Chatroom Logs - Property of Nick Fury [1]
Category: Marvel (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Chatlogs, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 03:31:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shreddingstars/pseuds/shreddingstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony gets the Avengers into an online chatroom. Bets are made, paperwork is neglected, emoticons are displayed, and screen-names are butchered and lost. </p><p>All in all, it's one of their better team bonding experiences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Password Required

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to Keeley and Ally, who put in a substantial amount of input and were there every step of the way as I went through the very fun process of writing this. 
> 
> All typos are intentional, and warning for little to no shame.

***guest-398384 created chatroom 'AVENGERS ASSEMBLE'.**

***guest-398384 changed nickname to ILOVETONYSTARK.**

***guest-402948 entered the chatroom.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** password?

 ***** **guest-402948 changed nickname to Bruce.**

 **Bruce:** what?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** what is the password

 **Bruce:** you never said anything about a password, Tony.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** you already know it anyway. Just say it so I can verify.

 **Bruce:** verify what?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** That you're not Furky okay. Just say the password

 **Bruce:** Furky? haha.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** FURY, ok.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** It was a typo.

 **Bruce:** I still don't understand all htis about a password.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** you already know it just say it. Trust me.

 **Bruce:** Swordfish?

***guest-372953 entered the chatroom.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** see? What did I tell you?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** GUEST-372953 STATE THE PASSWORD

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** DO IT OR YOU'RE BANNED

***guest-372593 changed nickname to THO.**

**Bruce:** LOL.

 **Bruce:** i guess you don't hav to feel bad about your typo anymore tony

 **THO:** GREETINGS.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** C'mon, tho its password time

 **THO:** I WAS NEVER INFORMED OF A PASSWORD.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** then guess I'm sure you know it by heart.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** all asgardians know midgardian passwords automatically y'know

 **Bruce:** Tony...

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** It's a word you might have heard recently. slang, we call it

 **THO:** LET US SEE.. IS THE PASSWORD

***guest-878647 entered the chatroom.**

**THO:** 'DICKS?'

 **Bruce:** ….

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** uh huh yep its dicks

***guest-878647 has left the room.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** hahahahahahahaha

 **Bruce:** Tony look what you did

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** so worth it hahahahaha

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** told you this chat was a good idea Bruce

 **THO:** I DO NOT SEE THE AREA TO CHANGE MY NAME ON THE CHAT.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** alright wait a sec

***THO changed nickname to HAMMERBRO.**

**HAMMERBRO:** THANK YOU. BUT A HAMMER BROTHER IS A VILLAIN IN THE SUPER MARIO WORLD RIGHT?

 **Bruce:** wait what? You did that for him?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** aw cmon bruce you can't be serious

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** here's a hint: line 2308 on source

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I dont believe you don't know this already it's so easy

 **Bruce:** that looks too easy the server can't be that insecure

***guest-878647 entered the chatroom.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** lol it is and hammer bros are awesome thor

 **Bruce:** They're harder to get past in the game...

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** which makes them awesome.

 **HAMMERBRO:** AH. WELL IF THEY ARE AWESOME I AM OKAY WITH BEING ONE THEN.

 **HAMMERBRO:** WHO IS *guest-878647??

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** AN INTRUDER IF HE DOES NOT STATE THE PASSWORD. EVEN IF I INVITED HIM

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** GET ON WITH IT OR BANNING WILL ENSUE AND THOR DONT TELL HIM

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I MEAN THOR DON'T TELL HIM OR HER. IT COULD BE EITHER.

***guest-878647 changed nickname to S.Rogers.**

***S.Rogers changed nickname to DAGUDCAP.**

**DAGUDCAP:** tony.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ooh nice try

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** but nope

 **HAMMERBRO:** GOOD EVENING CAPTAIN ROGERS

 **DAGUDCAP:** Tony, you changed my screen name.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Change it back. Why won't it let me change it?

 **DAGUDCAP:** Oh hello Thor. If Hammerbro is Thor. Hello to you too, Bruce.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** NOT THE PASSWORD.

 **Bruce:** Hi, Steve

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** also

 **HAMMERBRO:** MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM A HINT, TONYSTARK.

 **DAGUDCAP:** it would be nice, since I didn't know the word in the first place.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ok it has to do with that little word you blushed at and then fluttered out of the room

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** a companion word, if you will. ;)

 **Bruce:** oh my god, tony.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** bruce shut up. Now what's the word Cap or you're banned. Also if you invite fury I am banning you FOREVER.

 **HAMMERBRO:** HOW DO YOU GET THE PICTURES SHOWING EMOTIONS TO DISPLAY ON THE SCREEN

 **DAGUDCAP:** I have a mind to, since this last mission's paperwork is piling up on you, I think. I'm already done with mine

 **Bruce:** you can form them with your keypad, Thor.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** awww how cute would you like a cookie and a gold star Stevie?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** it hasn't even been a month, yet Cap. We have time.

 **HAMMERBRO:** ;D;

 **HAMMERBRO:** >L

 **HAMMERBRO:** :F

 **HAMMERBRO:** :A

***guest-194766 entered the chatroom.**

***guest-503604 entered the chatroom.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** oh hi clintasha

 **HAMMERBRO:** AM I DOING IT CORRECTLY?

 **Bruce:** perfect, Tho

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** now cap what's the password?

 **DAGUDCAP:** you said it was a companion word to that other word that Thor said?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** yes the one that makes you uncomfortable.

 **HAMMERBRO:** 'DICKS'?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YES THAT. Whats a companion to dicks cap

 **guest503604:** wow.

 **guest503604:** look at how much fun we've been missing out on Nat

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** yeah now cap THE PASSWORD PLEASE

 **DAGUDCAP:** Stark, this is an open chat.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Children can sign on and see this language. Anyone can.

 **Bruce:** lol

***guest-503604 changed nickname to accurateaim.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** hahahaha the kids'll be alright Cap. Notice the chatroom name. The name means that people automatically know this is a super secret Avenger thing.

 **HAMMERBRO:** I WILL MAKE SURE NO CHILDREN ARE HARMD BY THE CONTENT OF THIS CHAT >

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** So just SAY THE PASSWORD or you can go back to weeping over radio serials or watching racist black and white cartoons and reading tiajuana bibles or whatever it is you do

 **accurateaim:** Tony, I should tell pepper on you.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Fine.

 **DAGUDCAP:** its... vagina

 **Bruce:** huh.

 **Bruce:** well congrats tony you did it

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** alright you're in.

 **HAMMERBRO:** CONGRATULATIONS STARK, BUT WHAT DID HE DO?

 **HAMMERBRO:** :E :D

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** got cap to say vajayjay. Accomplishment number 1 of the day

 **DAGUDCAP:** don't Barton and Romanov need to say it, too?

 **HAMMERBRO:** ^6^

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** oh yeah speaking of Clintasha CLINT YOU WOULDNT DARE TELL PEPPER ON ME BAD THING S WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DO.

***guest-194766 changed nickname to AgentRomanov.**

**AgentRomanov:** I don't get the point of this chatroom.

 **AgentRomanov:** You already moved us into your tower so you could watch us every waking moment of the day, Stark.

 **accurateaim:** yeah

 **AgentRomanov:** can't we just go into the common room and talk like normal people?

 **Bruce:** The Lady speaks sense.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I SHOULD MAKE YOU SAY THE PASSWORD JUST FOR THAT, TASH-COSH.

 **accurateaim:** ahahaha

 **accurateaim:** tashcosh

 **accurateaim:** so how dead am I compared to the others if I make that your new nickname Nat?

 **AgentRomanov:** Vagina. And Clint, you're already pretty dead for not filing your paperwork like you were supposed to a month ago, so I won't have to take care of it if that is my awful new nickname. Sides, nothing beats 'Nat'.

 **AgentRomanov:** Fury will take care of you all.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ALRIGHT THATS IT. MENTIONING FURY IS AN UNFORGIVABLE SIN

 **HAMMERBRO:** HE ACTUALLY SEEMS TO BE QUITE IRRITABLE AS OF LATE.

***AgentRomanov changed nickname to tashcosh.**

**tashcosh:** oh, that's alright, tony.

 **tashcosh:** you'll get yours.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Wait, you mean someone else on this team actually filed their paperwork on time?

 **Bruce:** Ye of little faith

 **DAGUDCAP:** I can't.. well, actually I can believe you'd get your stuff done on time, Agent Romanov.

 **tashcosh:** Tbh, Fury used to be very strict with that stuff before he got old and tired.

 **Bruce:** I'm a little offended at how you don't seem to believe in us, Captain.

 **DAGUDCAP:** You've actually givrn me a whole lotof reason not to.

 **tashcosh:** Clint wore Fury down.

 **accurateaim:** well now it's coulson though

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ouch captain america burn

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** though the typos kind of dampened it ha

 **HAMMERBRO:** AGENT COULSON IS VERY PLEASENT. WE HAD COFFEE THE OTHER DAY.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** OH AND ANOTHER UNFORGIVABLE SIN CLINT

 **Bruce:** uh oh

***accurateaim changed nickname to PurplePants.**

**PurplePants:** ha ha, Tony. How do you even do that.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** HA HA INDEED. LOOK UPON YOUR PUNISHMENT AND

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** BE PUNISHED OR WHATEVER

 **PurplePants:** already compiling a list for Pep

 **tashcosh:** She's going to have so much material.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Well, if you are all going to stay and be inappropriate for the rest of the night, I'm leaving.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WAIT!!!!

 **PurplePants:** aww but cap

 **PurplePants:** your very presence

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YEAH YOUR PRESENCE ITSELF IS VERY VERY UH

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** whats a word other than hilarious

 **HAMMERBRO:** REASSURING. :#

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YEP YOU AND THO OVERHERE CAN PROTECT US FROM THE CHILDREN. Also when you have a moment, I have epic links to share with you.

 **PurplePants:** lolololol from the children?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I MEAN cover the digital eyes of any child that might stumble upon this chat

 **tashcosh:** while we're at it, how are you doing, Steve? Adjusting well?

 **DAGUDCAP:** Bought a three dollar cup of coffee today.

 **PurplePants:** hahaha

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** awwww was it really painful  <3

 **DAGUDCAP:** not as bad as the first time, but does everyone in the future secretly have a stockpile of gold lying around to inflate prices this badly?

***guest-709890 entered the chatroom.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** yes.

 **HAMMERBRO:** OOH WELCOME GUEST PLEASE SAY THE PASSWORD.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WAIT.

 **Bruce:** oh wow. Who's this?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WAIT WAIT WAIT

 **PurplePants:** oh man it's about to get good I'm so glad we didn't skip on this chat session, Nat.

 **PurplePants:** I told you it would be better than video game night. Not as good as six flags but better than video game night. And boardgame night.

 **PurplePants:** omg disneyland is so next on the list too

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** the avengers have assembled already.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** EVERYONES HERE THIS PERSON IS AN IMPOSTER

***guest-709890 changed name to PhilCoulson.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** UGH NO NO NO NO NO

***PhilCoulson changed name to GAYFORCAP.**

***GAYFORCAP has been banned from the chatroom.**

**DAGUDCAP:** ….

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** IT WAS YOU WHO INVITED HIM DIDN't you

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** CLINT.

 **PurplePants:** as much as I'd love to stir shit up tonight and watch you freak out at it

 **PurplePants:** I'm sure it was someone else

 **PurplePants:** yknow. like Bruce

 **Bruce:** what?

 **tashcosh:** lol

 **HAMMERBRO:** A SHOCKING BETRAYAL :o

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** BUT BRUCE I THOUGHT YOU AND ME AND SCIENCE, MAN

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WE HAD SO MUCH BRUCE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS

 **Bruce:** Tony.

 **Bruce:** you know I didn't do it

 **Bruce:** it was Steve, obviously

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** well yeah that makes more sense

 **DAGUDCAP:** …......

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** HAH YOU'RE SPEECHLESS SO YOU DID DO IT

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** but before you storm out in indignaton or however you spell that

 **PurplePants:** *indicnation

 **PurplePants:** dammit, *indignation

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I have EPIC LINKS so just hang on lemme get them

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** brb, avengebros

 **HAMMERBRO:** OKAY. WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU. :Y

 **PurplePants:** your really getting a hang of these emoticons, Thor.

 **PurplePants:** keep it up and don't forget to include written ones in your paperwork

 **PurplePants:** it will really brighten up Coulson's day. And Hill's.

 **tashcosh:** especially since he just got banned.

***guest-439684 has joined the chat.**

**PurplePants:** god yes another intruder

 **PurplePants:** whoever you are please hang on until tony gets back so we can see the reaction

 **HAMMERBRO:** I SHAL ENDEAVOR TO DO IT, THEN

 **PurplePants:** also for when tony gets back and sees this I DID NOT INVITE HIM/HER TONY OK.

 **HAMMERBRO:** PLEASE STATE THE PASSWORD, GUEST

 **guest-439684:** Something so obvious it no one would use it. 'Swordfish', right? Tony probably thinks he's clever by doing that.

 **HAMMERBRO:** YOU ARE WRONG IT IS DICKS.

 **PurplePants:** ahahahahaha

 **HAMMERBRO:** IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL STARK COMES BACK AND SEES

 **tashcosh:** Tony has sunken his clawks into Thor very, very deeply.

 **Bruce:** Yep. It's Coulson.

 **PurplePants:** Hah, first typo TashCosh

 **HAMMERBRO:** XC

 **tashcosh:** Shut up, Clint. Hey, Phil.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Oh, then hello, Agent.

 **guest-43684:** Hi, Tash. Hello, Captain. Thank you for filing your paperwork correctly and on time. Oh, Captain, and I should take you out for the REALLY good coffee one of these days. That cup you bought today was not worth the money.

 **PurplePants:** OMG HAHA YES

 **PurplePants:** I win! :D

 **DAGUDCAP:** I'll hold you to that promise. And no offense Agent, but I think its kind of sad you have to go around thanking people for this kind of stuff today

 **PurplePants:** TONY WHEN YOU GET BACK COULSON ASKED CAP ON A DATE AND IT HASNT BEEN A FULL THREE WEEKS YOU OWE ME HAHA

 **PurplePants:** and also I should get a bonus cause he stalked Cap at the coffee shop today too apparently

 **HAMMERBRO:** WHAT IS THIS BET YOU SPEAK OF AND WHY WAS I NOT INCLUDED?  >3

 **tashcosh:** you only won six dollars clint

 **Bruce:** Oh it's something Tony and Clint do on Sunday nights now

 **PurplePants:** yeah and sorry but only Thor, Bruce and nat are still invited.

 **PurplePants:** sorry cap

 **DAGUDCAP:** there are a couple of shops near Time's Square I've been meaning to try

 **guest-43684:** Ricky's is my personal favorite.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** alright I Pmed the links to you cap aljkhda;skjda;skjdas;

 **Bruce:** woah step back everyone

 **tashcosh:** I have the screenshot program ready. Thor, we need some dramatic emotes

 **HAMMERBRO:** YES, MADAM :D :H  >.D

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YOU.

 **guest-43684:** paperwork, Stark, and then you guys can stay and act like children for all I care.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** COULSON NO PAPERWORk

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** COULSON NO PAPERWORK

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** COULSON NO PAPERWORK.

***guest-43684 changed name to PENIS.**

***PENIS has been banned from the chatroom.**

**DAGUDCAP:** Uh, Tony?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** you read through them all that fast? There were lots of links in that pm cap

 **DAGUDCAP:** I don't get it, though.

 **PurplePants:** haha if its what I think it is then lol of course not

 **tashcosh:** Tony, you didnt.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** oh but I did!

 **DAGUDCAP:** are these... stories about us?

 **DAGUDCAP:** fifty stripes of iron, it says

 **Bruce:** LOL!

 **tashcosh:** tony you're a dick

 **PurplePants:** hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I WIN, BRUCE

 **PurplePants:** REMEMBER?

 **PurplePants:** THE SECRET BET LAST SUNDAY

 **PurplePants:** TONY READS FANFIC OF HIMSELF

 **Bruce:** ugh

 **Bruce:** I actually forgot about that

 **tashcosh:** the amount of bets you make is astounding clint

 **tashcosh:** now we're up to 14 dollars.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Tony, you're disgusting

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** omg

 **PurplePants:** y'know

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** what a lack of reaction

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** you only skimmed didn't you READ THE WHOLE FIC

 **PurplePants:** I think I might be waaaaaaay too sober to really enjoy the beauty of this

 **tashcosh:** I don't think you have the right to talk

 **tashcosh:** you read fanfiction of me and you when i'm busy.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** LOLOLOL

 **Bruce:** burn

 **HAMMERBRO:** :U

 **PurplePants:** you're sexier in fic anyways

 **PurplePants:** fanfic Natasha would let me try that one thing on her that i've mentioned a few times

 **Bruce:** Wow.

 **tashcosh:** I'm afraid you'll hurt yourself.

 **PurplePants:** it was only ONE TIME. Let it go already!

 **HAMMERBRO:** CAPTAIN ROGERS IS BEING SILENT.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** oh so cap.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Are you reading or are you wiping away tears with your lacy handkerchief at being stuck in a chat with so many degenerates

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** just look at you, Steve.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** like lady liberty, a shining beacon of maturity and good moral wholesomeness

 **DAGUDCAP:** Howard would be ashamed

 **Bruce:** Ouch.

 **PurplePants:** Damn steve you always go for the father thing don't you

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** lol trust me if my dad were ashamed

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** that'd make him like, a raging hypocrite.

 **DAGUDCAP:** So I'm going to assume the majority of these links are written pornography like... 50 Stripes of Iron.

 **Bruce:** And visual, if what Tony showed me yesterday is any indication.

 **PurplePants:** haha send em to me, Stark.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** there are some visuals in there ;)

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** honestly, they flatter you too much in the third one from the bottom

 **DAGUDCAP:** um

 **DAGUDCAP:** Ew.

 **DAGUDCAP:** You're actually right, Tony.

 **tashcosh:** I'm assuming veiny muscles?

 **HAMMERBRO:** MIDGARDIANS DONT HAVE VEINS IN THEIR MUSCLES? HOW DO THEY FUNCTION ANOTOMICALLY.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** it's just that the veins are too pronounced. It's like... inhuman.

 **DAGUDCAP:** Yeah.

 **HAMMERBRO:** OH.

 **PurplePants:** The links, Tony.

 **PurplePants:** send them, please.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** alright

 **DAGUDCAP:** Does anyone else feel bad about Coulson being banned or...

 **PurplePants:** lol wow

 **PurplePants:** we went so long without mentioning PENIS since he left

 **PurplePants:** I admire your restraint, peeps.

 **Bruce:** speaking of peeps, hows that nest you have going on in the rafters doing, Clint?

***PurplePants changed name to Peeps.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** sent you the links, clint.

 **Peeps:** TONY.

 **tashcosh:** Serves you right, Clint.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Yes?

 **Peeps:** why the hell am I being punished again

 **Peeps:** Cap's the one who mentioned coulson again

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** OH YEAH AN UNFORGIVABLE SIN

 **DAGUDCAP:** gee, thanks Clint.

***DAGUDCAP changed name to DABADCAP.**

**Bruce:** heh, catchy.

 **tashcosh:** does anyone else notice that bruce is the only one who hasn't had a name change courtesy of stark?

 **HAMMERBRO:** THAT IS CORRECT. :K

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** hey now

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** science privilege, avengebros.

 **Bruce:** Exactly.

 **DABADCAP:** And by the way Stark, for your sake I hope you fill out those three gold forms correctly when you finally do get to the mission report paperwork.

 **DABADCAP:** you remember last time.

 **Peeps:** this last mission was so badass though.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Paperwork does it no justice

 **Peeps:** Oh and bruce.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** so NO, Cap.

 **Bruce:** yeah?

 **Peeps:** next bet: get fury to say 'motherfucker'. FIFTEEN BUCKS

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** since paperwork is like porn to coulson I'll just give him a little extra work to do.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** he'll thank me

 **Bruce:** you're on Clint.

 **DABADCAP:** ...

 **Bruce:** alright, I actually lol

 **Bruce:** *loled

 **tashcosh:** Fury's going to have a hell of a time with you when he gets here

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WHY WOULD HE GET HERE UNLESS YOU INVITED HIM

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YOU DID DIDNT YOU TRAITOR

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** UNFORGIVABLE SIN

***tashcosh changed name to insovietrussiawidowsquishyou.**

**Peeps:** hahah

 **Peeps:** damn, what a mouthful

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** Imaginitive.

 **DABADCAP:** we've been talking for at least an hour and a half now.

 **Peeps:** free time is awesome, Cap. Don't knock it.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** he's pissed that we're not all spending our time praying or polishing our chastity belts

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** I can't imagine you ever having a chastity belt, Stark.

 **Peeps:** lol, the word "titty" is in "chastity"

 **DABADCAP:** And people wonder why we don't get along.

***guest-890489 entered the chatroom.**

**Peeps:** oh finally

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** DAMMIT COULSON HOW DO YOU KEEP GETTING PAST MY DEFENSES

***guest-890489 changed nickname to DIRECTORFURY.**

**Peeps:** OH SNAP.

 **Peeps:** HERE IT COMES

 **Bruce:** Evening, Director.

 **HAMMERBRO:** HELLO SIR.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** OH ITS MR. SNARLY HIMSELF.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** *snarky

 **Peeps:** hahaha lol

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** You all brought this on yourselves

 **DABADCAP:** Hello, Director.

 **Peeps:** oh god he hasn't said anything yet

 **Peeps:** alright bruce emergency bet fury has not said anything yet because he's typing a page long capslock yelling at us

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** WELL, DIRECTOR? WHAT IS THE PASSWORD.

 **Bruce:** Um...

 **Bruce:** I think I'm backing out of this one Clint

 **Peeps:** COWARD.

***guest-204759 entered the chatroom.**

***guest-204759 changed nickname to AgentCoulson.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** ugh not you again

 **Peeps:** where's their immediate ban, stark?

 **HAMMERBRO:** :R

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** okay well

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** is it a little bit bad that I really wanna see what fury has to say

 **DABADCAP:** nothing good can come of this.

 **Peeps:** And yet, you're staying.

 **AgentCoulson:** anytime you're ready, Director

 **Peeps:** bruce I swear Fury's pounding on his keyboard

 **Peeps:** a full page, bruce.

 **Peeps:** within the next five minutes or so. Twenty-five dollars says in the next five minutes he gives us a whole page rant with motherfucker in it.

 **DABADCAP:** wait

 **Bruce:** well, alright.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** my body is ready

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** And it better be good since Im not banning you for this.

 **Peeps:** oh and fury if you're reading this please insert one 'motherfucker' into the rant, thanks.

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** Now clint, that's cheating.

 **Bruce:** It really is.

 **Peeps:** No one said I couldn't make suggestions

 **DABADCAP:** None of this would be happening if you had all just done your paperwork.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** yes exactly.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** this is history being made, Stevie.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** we shouldn't even have to do paperwork

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** hey guys if they keep pulling the mission report bullshit on us I say we just LET the giant slug mate with the empire state building next time.

 **Peeps:** That was gross.

 **Peeps:** but also kind of sweet

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** those weren't cooing noises it was making, clint.

 **Peeps:** oh and you would know, miss expert on giant slug sex

 **Bruce:** wow

 **Bruce:** you just opened up the gates for a very very raunchy joke

 **Peeps:** really?

 **Peeps:** please share.

 **Bruce:** Use your imagination.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** my imagination can't take me much further than a giant slug humping a national icon

 **DABADCAP:** Agreed

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** oh shut UP Steve your imagination can't take you past the idea of a skirt shorter than ankle length

 **Peeps:** lol

 **HAMMERBRO:** MY IMAGINATION CAN TAKE ME VERY FAR SINCE I AM NOT FROM THIS REALM :F

 **Peeps:** oh god is fury done yet my hands are starting to cramp

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ah but when you're shooting at my robots with arrows all day they're juuuuuuust fine.

 **Peeps:** yep!

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** if you hadn't taken your sweet time with my food massage they wouldn't be

 **Bruce:** food massage?

 **Bruce:** there should be an award for best typo

 **Peeps:** haha, yes.

 **DABADCAP:** I don't know, there have been several huge ones already. Who could beat them?

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** whatever fury's typed must be novel length by now.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** BRB POPCORN.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** I wanna sit back and enjoy this.

 **AgentCoulson:** and here I thought you were scared, stark

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** well then I realized how silly it was to be scared of you.

 **DABADCAP:** It's starting to worry me that I feel used to this kind of insanity.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** we just squished a giant bug a month ago and THIS is insanity?

 **Bruce:** He has a point.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** priorities, Captain.

 **DABADCAP:** weren't you supposed to be getting popcorn?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** eh, I'm having Jarvis do it.

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** Guys?

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** That bet you made? It's been five minutes.

 **Peeps:** OH SHIT I FORGOT

 **Bruce:** wow so did I

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** six minutes.

 **Peeps:** DAMMIT.

 **Bruce:** ^_^

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** haha, maybe you should cut back on the bets Clint

 **Peeps:** that's funny coming from your end Stark. You have at least five running with me

 **Peeps:** two with Bruce

 **Peeps:** two with Darryl from accounting

 **AgentCoulson:** I wonder what's taking so long with the Director.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** ten bucks says he typed so hard he destroyed his keyboard?

 **HAMMERBRO:** ANOTHER WINDOW THAT I DID NOT OPEN JUST APPEARED ON MY SCREEN.

 **HAMMERBRO:** ENLARGENOW TRUE PRODUCT GOOD RESULT XXX?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** this chat is the best thing in the world.

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** Tony don't let him. It'll only cause problems.

 **HAMMERBRO:** DON'T LET HIM WHAT.

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** It'll do something to that brand new StarkPad of his, Stark.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Whatever, i'll just go in and yank it out later. HEY THOR GO AHEAD AND SIGN UP.

 **DABADCAP:** Thor, don't listen to him.

 **Peeps:** StarkPad sounds like a feminine hygiene product.

 **Bruce:** oh, god.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

 **Peeps:** ITS SUPER ABSORBANT

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** BLASPHEMY.

***Peeps changed nickname to tampontime.**

**HAMMERBRO:** :H :P

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** clint I swear

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** whatever fury has in store for us is NOTHING compared to what Im gonna give you when I get my hands on you.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Fury's epic speech about how we suck will be a gentle breeze, okay.

 **DABADCAP:** Y'know, the fanfiction version of you says something like that to the fanfiction version of me in 50 Stripes of Iron.

 **tampontime:** I'll take my chances, Stark.

 **DABADCAP:** But it's meant to be sexual apparently.

 **DABADCAP:** it's very disturbing.

 **AgentCoulson:** all of the Twilight-like writings on the Internet are, these days.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** HOLD THE PHONE A TWILIGHT REFERENCE THIS CHAT HAS FINALLY COME FULL CIRCLE.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** THANK YOU COULSON.

***AgentCoulson changed nickname to TAKEMEEDWARD.**

**Bruce:** you should've just stayed quiet, Phil.

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** we had almost forgotten you were here.

 **TAKEMEEDWARD:** Really, Tony?

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** You're right.

***TAKEMEEDWARD changed nickname to TAKEMECAPTAIN.**

**ILOVETONYSTARK:** better?

 **DABADCAP:** Um...

 **tampontime:** Substantially.

 **Bruce:** Wow.

 **Bruce:** Be glad you only bet 25 dollars on the fury thing, Clint. It's been like fifteen minutes.

 **tampontime:** shut up.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Oh mr. fury~~~

 **DABADCAP:** I'm actually starting to worry a bit about what he has to say....

 **HAMMERBRO:** I HAVE CLICKED ON THE ADVERTISEMENT.;

 **HAMMERBRO:** THESE PICTURES DO NOT SEEM TO BE REAL.  >:C

 **DABADCAP:** They aren't, Thor. It's called 'photoshoop'.

 **HAMMERBRO:** OH :G

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** hah another contender for the typo award.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** god I hope there's typos in the tome fury's writing for us.

 **tampontime:** I hope it's all just garble for a few lines. Got the screencap program ready, Tash?

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** Way ahead of you, Barton.

 **DABADCAP:** It's pretty late, you guys.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** Oh, right.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** little stevie has a curfew, you see.

 **tampontime:** program Jarvis to read him a bedtime story :3

 **tampontime:** go the fuck to sleep is a good one

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Language, fellas.

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** what? It's the actual name of the book. Art can have adult material, Phillip. I'd bet you and princess steve would crayon clothes on all the naked people in the art museum for being improper

 **ILOVETONYSTARK:** damn, fury mustve tuckered himself out and fallen asleep on his keyboard aww  <3

***ILOVETONYSTARK changed nickname to YOUWISH.**

**Bruce** : ???

 **tampontime** : OH MY GOD

 **HAMMERBRO:** WHAT IS GOING ON. :OO

 **YOUWISH:** JESUS

***YOUWISH changed nickname to YOUDONTUNDERSTAND.**

**YOUDONTUNDERSTAND:** BRUCE ARE YOU DOING THIS

 **Bruce:** No!!!

***DIRECTORFURY has been banned from the chat.**

**YOUDONTUNDERSTAND:** ugh he probably had some shield cronies do this

***YOUDONTUNDERSTAND changed nickname to YOUREALLYDONTUNDERSTAND.**

**tampontime:** LOL OH SHIT.

 **Bruce:** I thought you banned him!

***HAMMERBRO changed nickname to HOWMUCHTROUBLE.**

**YOUREALLYDONTUNDERSTAND:** freaking shield techies man brb going into system to FIX THIS

 **tampontime:** do it fast man holy god

***tampontime changed name to YOUAREIN.**

**YOUAREIN:** aaaaaaahhhh!

 **insovietrussiawidowsquishyou:** The carnage has begun.

 **DABADCAP:** this is worse than any modern horror movie I've seen so far

 **HOWMUCHTROUBLE:** DDDD:

***YOUREALLYDONTUNDERSTAND changed nickname to IHOPE.**

**Bruce:** Good lord.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** See? I told you.

***DABADCAP changed nickname to YOUREMEMBERWHAT.**

***insovietrussiawidowsquishyou changed nickname to SUNLIGHTLOOKSLIKE.**

**SUNLIGHTLOOKSLIKE:** What? I wasn't part of this!

 **YOUAREIN:** TONY FIX IT GODDAMN

 **IHOPE:** IM TRYING IM TRYING

 **YOUREMEMBERWHAT:** figures I'd be punished for this, too.

 **IHOPE:** THEY FREAKNG BUTCHERED THE SYSTEM

***Bruce changed nickname to BECAUSEYOUWONTBE.**

**IHOPE:** ITS NOT WORKING

 **BECAUSEYOUWONTBE:** Hey I had my paperwork half done why am I in this?

***SUNLIGHTLOOKSLIKE changed nickname to SEEINGIT.**

***YOUAREIN changed nickname to FORALONGTIME.**

**FORALONGTIME:** SAVE US TONY HELP

***BECAUSEYOUWONTBE changed nickname to MOTHERFUCKERS.**

**FORALONGTIME:** WHAT?!!?!?

 **MOTHERFUCKERS:** Wow, LOL

 **IHOPE:** what did those freaking grunts DO

 **FORALONGTIME:** all things considered omg why couldnt you have said motherfucker FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO

 **YOUREMEMBERWHAT:** I'm worried about reporting in for work tomorrow.

 **FORALONGTIME:** also tony you suck

***IHOPE changed nickname to SLEEP.**

**SLEEP:** CHRIST

 **SEEINGIT:** I'm copying the screengrabs to my personal archives when this is over

***HOWMUCHTROUBLE changed nickname to WITHBOTHEYES.**

**YOUREMEMBERWHAT:** I don't even know what I'm seeing anymore.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Justice, good Captain. I'll put in a good word for you, though.

***SEEINGIT changed nickname to OPEN.**

**OPEN:** Good God.

 **SLEEP:** ….

 **FORALONGTIME:** that was legitimately terrifying

 **MOTHERFUCKERS:** I'll say.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** No more than you slackers deserve.

 **YOUREMEMBERWHAT:** Well, hopefully that's all of it....

***guest-673149 entered the chatroom.**

**SLEEP:** aw shit work ban button work

***guest-673149 changed nickname to DIRECTORFURY.**

**DIRECTORFURY:** THINK AGAIN, ASSHOLES. NOW GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP.

 **SLEEP:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 **WITHBOTHEYES:** ;3;

***SLEEP has been banned from the chatroom.**

***YOUREMEMBERWHAT has been banned from the chatroom.**

***MOTHERFUCKERS has been banned from the chatroom.**

***FORALONGTIME has been banned from the chatroom.**

***OPEN has been banned from the chatroom.**

***WITHBOTHEYES has been banned from the chatroom.**

**TAKEMECAPTAIN:** …

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** A little overkill, don't you think?

 **DIRECTORFURY:** You think they would've listened to anything else?

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Well, no.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** But still.

 **DIRECTORFURY:** They needed it. Oh, and Agent.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Yes?

 **DIRECTORFURY:** I want the S.H.I.E.L.D. grunts to have the entire history of this chatroom condensed into a file and in my e-mail account by Wednesday morning.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Will do, sir.

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN:** Have you decided their punishment yet?

 **DIRECTORFURY:** Got any pitches?

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN** : …

 **TAKEMECAPTAIN** : I can think of something.

 

\----

 

**MEMO TO ALL S.H.I.E.L.D. PERSONELL:**

IF YOU WISH TO OBTAIN A COPY OF THE “ **AVENGERS' PUNISHMENT PRESENTATION ON THE GIANT GLORBAX THAT TRIED TO MATE WITH THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING** ” VIDEO AND THE POWERPOINTS INCLUDED WITH IT, THEY ARE NOW ALL AVAILABLE IN THE DOCUMENT SHARING FOLDER OF THE S.H.I.E.L.D. WEBSITE. PLEASE **DO** **NOT** CONTACT AGENT COULSON OR DIRECTOR FURY CONCERNING THIS MATTER, AND PLEASE LET THE AVENGERS' EXAMPLE BE A WARNING TO ALL WHO WISH TO SLACK ON THEIR PAPERWORK, WHICH IS A VITAL AND NECCESSARY PART OF THE S.H.I.E.L.D. ORGANIZATION.

THANK YOU,

 

COMMUNICATIONS DEPT.

 

P.S. YES, THE COSTUMES THE AVENGERS ARE WEARING ARE COMPLETELY REAL. YOU ARE ADVISED TO ADJUST THE VOLUME ON YOUR COMPUTER AT THIS POINT DUE TO THE CROWD'S RACUOUS LAUGHTER.

AFTER VIEWING, PLEASE REPORT TO THE S.H.I.E.L.D. MEDICAL WING FOR A STANDARD AUDITORY CHECK-UP.

 


End file.
